The key to starting a relationship is to be natural and not force it. Don’t let romantic dramas brainwash you. Directly pushing the girl against the wall for affection is more likely to be a mishap.

My core philosophy is to help everyone experience a sincere, sweet, and enduring love, so I won’t offer superficially effective but ultimately ineffective tips. With my rich practical experience of six wonderful relationships and no heartbreaks (that’s a skill), and having read many books on intimate relationships, human nature, and psychology in the past two years, I can provide some truly effective guidance.

Below are five tips for guys and girls, respectively, to consider.

For Guys:

The principle for guys is to get acquainted first and then confess their feelings.

1. Chat more. If she’s nearby, find opportunities to chat with her, and if she’s not, chat online first and then meet in person. When chatting, notice if you have anything in common and if she shows any interest in you. Remember, as long as she doesn’t outright avoid you, it means she’s interested in you. Shyness and disinterest are different things.

2. Arrange a meeting. After chatting for a while and getting acquainted, you can suggest meeting up. However, for her safety, avoid suggesting unfamiliar or deserted places, as it might make her feel unsafe. If she’s shy or takes time to warm up, invite some friends along, preferably two guys and two girls, but make sure the guy friend isn’t interested in her. The idea is to find a relaxed and fun place. In a fun environment, emotions tend to heat up, as both of you will release certain hormones. Once you’re comfortable and both interested, you can directly ask her out to a closer location, like a coffee shop or a game center, and take the opportunity to confess your feelings by holding her hand.

3. Help her out. If it’s awkward to ask her out directly, offering help can create opportunities. For instance, helping her move, being her emergency contact, fixing her computer, or taking great photos (a must for impressing girls). Always let her know that you’re there for her, and when she needs help, she’ll reach out to you. Few girls have a male friend they can always rely on. You can volunteer to be her emergency contact and tell her to call you if she ever needs help, emphasizing safety. After helping her, invite her for a drink or a meal and see if there’s an opportunity to confess. Don’t just help and leave.

4. Give gifts. Find out her birthday or ask her directly. When the time comes, give her a thoughtful but not overly expensive gift, along with a handwritten note. The note can be artistic, funny, or simple but heartfelt. See how she responds. If she responds positively, you can prepare to confess your feelings.

5. Show interest. Tailor your approach based on her preferences. If she’s into the arts, be romantic and gentle; if she’s into beauty and selfies, compliment her and consider gifting her makeup or a mirror; if she’s a bit aloof, treat her like a baby and pat her head. In general, the more goddess-like she is, the more effective it is to act uninterested. In short, most girls are pursued with what they like, while a few require a different approach.

For Girls:

The principle for girls is to attract first and then give a chance.

Each point corresponds to the ones for guys.

1. Chat more. Unlike guys, try not to appear too eager when chatting with him. Find a casual reason to chat, ask him about something he’s good at, and gradually get closer for a better conversation. Highlight your appearance and interests for both online and offline chats.

2. Arrange a meeting. Instead of initiating, give him the chance to decide. If he’s interested in you after your initial efforts to attract him, he should be the one to suggest meeting up. Make sure to signal your interest before meeting him.

3. Ask for help. Asking for help is a way to create an opportunity to meet. After seeking his help, suggest having a meal together, as it’s a natural progression. During the meal, subtly praise him and hint at future interactions. Let him take the lead in suggesting a long-term relationship or give him the opportunity to imply it. After this, you’ll have a chance to confess.

4. Give gifts. If you think he’s interested in you, send hints about your birthday or ask him directly. If there’s no response, suggest having a meal together. Dress well and give subtle hints of your feelings. If there’s no response, wait for the right moment to confess.

5. Show interest. Tailor your approach based on his personality. If he’s reserved, suggest more and take the lead. If he’s assertive, let him take the lead. If he has a good eye for aesthetics, let him choose your clothes or take you to nice places. In short, give him opportunities to take the lead in areas he’s good at.