Forgiveness is a deep topic when facing betrayal. Whether to forgive, if forgiveness is achievable, and if it’s worth forgiving are all important considerations.

Many people choose to forgive when faced with emotional betrayal. However, after forgiving, they realize that they are not doing well and can’t move on from the shadow of betrayal. Over time, they feel even worse.

Ask yourself: Why did you choose to forgive the other person in the first place?

Many people forgive as a result of external pressure. When facing emotional betrayal, almost everyone advises you to forgive the other person. This advice, though not ill-intentioned, can put immense psychological pressure on you. If you don’t forgive, it may seem like you are neglecting your family and children or even causing unhappiness to your children.

This underlying belief can be terrifying and influences many people’s decisions. You may not forgive because you genuinely want to, but because you can’t resist societal pressure.

Another common form of “forgiveness” is out of soft-heartedness or the desire to be a good person. Betrayers often have a sense of luck that their actions won’t be exposed or that they will be forgiven if discovered. You might have heard a betrayer say, “I thought you would forgive me…”

Many betrayers, when their actions are revealed, beg for forgiveness. This scene is common in movies and also happens in real life. Through tears and repentance, a belief may form that not forgiving makes you heartless, petty, not generous, or unkind.

Many people choose to forgive out of soft-heartedness or kindness, sacrificing their own feelings and enduring pain to forgive.

But you overlook a crucial issue—in the past, you may have willingly sacrificed and endured pain to express your love. You believed it was valuable and could make the other person treat you well. But what was the result? Betrayal.

So, when you continue sacrificing and enduring to maintain this “love,” your inner conflict grows. You may find yourself questioning if it’s worth it and if it will lead to good outcomes.

The reason many people forgive but still feel unhappy or worse is that their forgiveness isn’t genuine but rather a passive response.

When the betrayer says, “It’s great that you forgave me, I knew you still loved me, you’ll forgive my mistakes,” you may feel good about yourself briefly. But soon after, you may not feel the same.

Ultimately, you cannot deceive yourself. If your heart resists forgiving the other person after betrayal, don’t let external pressure or false pretenses sway you. Forgiveness should help you move on, not worsen your situation. If you agree to forgive but suppress your emotions, you may harm your mental and physical health in the long run.

So, ask yourself why you choose to forgive the other person. If it’s for others and not for yourself, then it’s not genuine forgiveness. If you realize you can’t forgive the other person, face yourself and learn to respect yourself.

When you accept that you can’t forgive the other person, you must respect yourself and make a decision—does this mean divorce? The reality is, not divorcing doesn’t always equate to forgiveness, and divorcing doesn’t always mean not forgiving.

The form of marriage is not directly related to forgiveness.