My teacher once said these words, which left a deep impression on me:

Love is a part of marriage, and cooling love will lower the temperature of a marriage. When the temperature of a marriage decreases, there will be additional warmth to compensate. To a psychologically vulnerable person, any care is warmth. This is an eternal truth in emotions, known as the “emotional compensation mechanism”!

Sometimes, love can make you feel as if you’re basking in the spring breeze, and at other times, it can make you feel as if you’re sitting on pins and needles!

The more wonderful something is, the more troubled it might be. When love makes you cry, you definitely cannot laugh. Even if you do laugh, it’s with tears. You don’t want to laugh, but you have to. Only those who have experienced it understand the feeling!

We all know that after being hurt by marriage and love, many people smile. But behind that smile, how many tears are shed, I’m afraid no one can count.

For the sake of dignity, you have to leave with tears in your eyes and a smile on your face. The so-called splendid turn, that moment is indeed splendid. But in the long run, that turn might become a lasting regret in your marriage and love.

Once, “I love you” was the simplest statement in the world. Now, summoning all my courage, I can no longer love you as deeply as I did before! If there’s no trust, what’s the point of the marriage?

I believe many people can relate to the bitterness in this statement. In the face of intense emotions, men and women are no different. But how can understanding this statement help? What’s lost cannot be regained, and what should not be lost has slipped away forever.

They say love is the simplest emotion in the world; when you love someone, you just want to embrace them with pure love. But when love is confined within the walls of marriage, it might lose its simplicity and transform into the most complicated emotion in the world.

In a marriage, emotional infidelity is the most complex mechanism, and extramarital affairs are the most unacceptable reality. Many people don’t know why their partners have affairs until just before the divorce. Many people even think their partners only love them until the truth is revealed!

Why is that? Because they were too careless. You think that person will always be good to you, not knowing that they already have someone else in their heart!

What are the reasons for extramarital affairs?

Let me tell you, there are three main reasons.

These three reasons exist in every marriage, with varying degrees of prominence. In other words, theoretically, as long as the conditions are met, most people cannot completely avoid extramarital affairs! The key is whether those conditions are sufficient, and whether there is a love between spouses that transcends life and death.

The first reason for extramarital affairs is the most complex, as it is almost without any clear reason. At least on the surface, there are no apparent factors, but this is precisely the most easily overlooked reason.

I once met a woman who had been married for three years and deeply loved her husband. In the fourth year of her marriage, she had an affair. She admitted that she didn’t know why she did it. She felt guilty and apologized to her loving husband. But she also felt confident and proud of herself, as she felt being pursued was a source of pride. After breaking up with her lover several times that year, she was moved by him and fell completely in love with him. In the end, she lost her feelings for her husband and didn’t feel guilty anymore. If her husband agreed to divorce, she would certainly want to.

I also met a man who had an affair in the first year of his marriage. He said, “I know deep down that my wife is the one I love the most, and I will always love her. But unexpected things happen in life, and when another woman throws herself at me, I felt a sense of achievement and didn’t resist. We became lovers, and then I found myself in a dilemma. I won’t divorce, nor will I abandon my lover.”

I believe that the majority of extramarital affairs have no obvious signs before they happen. Even the person who has an affair is surprised that they could do such a thing. The person who is betrayed is also surprised that they could be betrayed by the most trusted person. More than half of the infidelity occurs unconsciously.

Many people enjoy ambiguous relationships, creating a romantic atmosphere, and fantasizing about encounters. These are all underlying factors. The most critical factor is that the person has underestimated the risk of infidelity and overestimated their own charm. Thus, emotions triumph over reason.

Therefore, those who think highly of themselves, those who are self-centered, are more likely to have an affair. They know that marriage requires loyalty, but they need vanity more. Their marriages have always been very risky and are easily destroyed by extramarital affairs.

The second reason for extramarital affairs is external factors, such as being in a long-distance relationship, unresolved conflicts between spouses, and family economic conditions. This is a kind of emotional change similar to the saying, “You can’t turn iron into steel.” It results in the loss of confidence in the marriage.

These people are prone to complain, and within their complaints, the “emotional compensation mechanism” will definitely come into play. This is similar to love growing with time, and spending time with someone else can also lead to a hazy form of love.

I’ve seen many couples in long-distance relationships; some have had affairs, some have divorced, and some are preparing for divorce. I’ve also seen people who had an affair out of spite due to unresolved conflicts with their spouses, and ended up falling in love with their lovers. I’ve also seen women who had affairs because of vanity, or because they felt their spouse was not earning enough.

I remember a woman who said, “My husband often goes out of town and comes back once a week. Even though I love him, I feel lonely when he’s not around. Fortunately, there’s someone to keep me company, to shelter me from the storm. We talk about everything and trust each other. Then, there was a time when my husband and I had a fight, and I could only confide in him. I felt increasingly reliant on him; he was better at comforting people than my husband. I couldn’t resist my feelings for him. Once, when he had an argument with his wife, we consoled each other and talked about topics we wouldn’t normally discuss. Then we started dating, and it’s been years. Both families have found out multiple times, and we plan to divorce and be together forever.”

This woman fell in love with the man because of the “emotional compensation mechanism.” Being in a long-distance relationship made her lonely, quarrels with her spouse made her complain, and poor family economic conditions made her lose confidence in her marriage.

In reality, these extramarital affairs are all the result of love growing with time. They fulfill each other’s loneliness, solve each other’s problems, and encourage each other. When they end up in bed together, it becomes an extramarital affair. This kind of extramarital affair is much more frightening than the first type and almost always leads to divorce.

Couples should try to avoid long-distance relationships, as they can lead to unexpected outcomes. When there’s conflict between spouses, it should be resolved promptly. Otherwise, a third party might step in to resolve it for you. As for financial factors, you can only blame yourself for loving the wrong person.

The third reason for extramarital affairs is related to the skill of the third party. They are good at finding a person’s weak spot. When someone who is not cautious encounters such a person, they usually get drawn in.

Whether it’s a married man or a married woman, they must be vigilant. When someone is actively being nice to you, you should know that the person may have ulterior motives. You can’t casually confide in someone or openly bare your soul. Otherwise, you might be taken advantage of and played with.

From a marital perspective, in the current environment, many people may be hoping for romantic encounters and a different kind of warmth. This is normal to think about, but don’t act on it.

I once heard a woman say, “I can dream of him. In my dreams, he invites me, and tells me he loves me. To be honest, I think about him all the time, and I’m starting to like him. Later, he really asked me out, and just like in my dream, I ended up being his lover without realizing it.”

I believe there’s no absolute reason for extramarital affairs to happen within a marriage. This is a complex mechanism, where the inaction of a loved one, the shrewdness of the third party and the various coincidences in life are all factors. I’ve heard that there are many experts in the art of love who can win over a married person in just a few days. When faced with such a person, many people become confused!

But ultimately, a person who is truly responsible for their marriage and love will not have an affair. They won’t give anyone an opportunity. In their heart, their spouse will always be their exclusive partner.